March 27, 2008

  • Watch What You Say and Feel It Too

    When I first signed up for this blog, it was shortly after my breakup with Brenda (My last real relationship) and around the time I learned of my mother's cancer diagnosis.  Needless to say, my earlier blogs weren't the most positive in nature.  I even had an advisory message on there warning the potential readers.  I assume no liability if the reader gets offended by what I write.  Actually to this day, I still assume no responsibility of whether or not you the reader is offended or not.  I was taught a long time ago to "say what I feel AND feel what I say."  I feel whole whenever I take that advice.  I think that's one of the main reason why I gravitate towards acting and writing so much.  Saying what I feel and feeling what I say is more permitted in that arena.  It's also a way of maintaining some sort of sanity by having a forum to express your inner most thoughts unedited, raw, as is.  I learned the hard way by not figuring out a way to express it and repress it has more destructive consequences later down the line.  Here's the problem with the concept of "saying what you feel and feeling what you say:" (let's call it SWYFAFWYS) We live in a post Virginia Tech era.  People are more paranoid in journaling and blogging, perhaps more in blogging because of the ramifications of cyberspace.  At least with a journal, you're still responsible on whose hands it gets into. 

    I write what I write whether it's a play, screenplay, prose, and some attempts at poetry in order to see if what I'm saying, feeling, observing resonates with those who are reading it.  It creates a form of a connection, a validation, or a sense of bonding whenever the reader could relate.  I'm able to process something within and let it outwardly while communicating it to others.  In the aftermath of Virginia Tech, potential readers are now required to forward "questionable" writings to authority in order to prevent potential violent episodes.  The problem is writing is subjective, interpretive.  I do not want to worry about whether or not a character I created would capture the attention of the FBI or any other authorities because I created him or her to be a certain way. 

    I have re-written Classroom Drama for like the 5th time in 4 years.  I created a character Matt Ko based on a classmate of mine while at Cal State Hayward.  He was similar to me in the effect that we both grew up in Oakland, "in da hood," he was into poetry, spoken word, and bikes while I was into theater and performing arts.  We were both street savvy coming from Oakland, but I was almost 7 years older than him, so he had a tendency to jump the gun more often.  Unlike him, he rode a motorcycle.  He was pretty proud of that too.  Truth be told, we were both very sensitive, vulnerable guys, with layers and layers of exterior and walls.  In some ways, I sorta saw myself in him, but younger.  We also differed on spirituality: ("hey man, spare me that God sh*t, 'k?")  Though we studied at Hayward before 9/11, I decided to use a line for Matt that I overheard at my job at Lowell Middle School in Oakland: "I'm gonna 9-1-1 yo m* f*n a$$" 

    Let me give you a little more backstory on this situation: When I was in class at Hayward, I brought up a printed ad to the attention of the class.  (The class was an Asian American Studies course) It was that of an Asian male with glasses with the caption: Your blind date has arrived.  With lasiks surgery, you could definitely see a way out of your disastrous evening.  When my professor asked the class for their opinion about the ad, the person whom Matt was based upon, declared that he should goto the agency who created the ad, the publishers of the paper, and the sponsor of the ad and "go M* F* POSTAL ON THE WHITE RACIST M* F*"  So when I included that segment into my play, I had the character Matt declare to "go 9-1-1 on the M* F*"   The only adjustment I made was that I replaced "postal" with "911" in order to show how the younger generation view the tragedy.  Plus if we were in that class today and was presented with that ad now, my friend whom Matt was based on would've said without a doubt something similar to the "911" comment. 

    So if you're wondering if those re-writes over the years included jumping from "postal" to "911" in that particular section, the answer is 'yes.'   On my most current draft, I have Matt say "911."  Of course there are other adjustments to the script, but the "911" line tends to jump out the most.  When the play was workshopped back in 04, that line created an uproar among the audience.  Actually, some of the audience members asked about that particular line.  During the showcase at the Magic Theater later on that year, that scene was not included, so there was no controversy. 

    But now I'm ready for Classroom Drama to be showcased again and submitted to the different theater companies nationally.  The last thing I need to worry about is some literary manager looking too much into that line and phone somebody.  I know some of you think, "it's simple, just change it back to 'postal.'" And I suppose I could.  But I do remember how real the incident was.  I remember the first time I opened the paper and saw the ad.  When my friend made his declaration to the class, a part of me on the inside was thinking, ' let's go, I'll drive.'  

    Keeping the "911" line declares that I'm the one behind the wheel.