May 1, 2014

  • Church as an Institution for Pickups and Booty Calls

    I wouldn’t know anything about that because after attending church on a regular basis for over 19 years, I’ve only attributed one booty-call hookup as a result of meeting someone at church.  I won’t mention the name of the church or the location.  That means that after approximately over 1000 visit to a specific institution, I’ve hooked up with someone only once.

    Hence, why I don’t encourage people to meet up at church.  It’s not so much that it’s frowned upon to begin with because the higher-ups get uppity when the focus and attention isn’t on them. (They’ll use the term “God,” but in all actuality, they really mean themselves)  And it wasn’t or isn’t so much that I was “focused on God” such that checking out women took a completely back seat.  It was a result on the type of churches I attended.

    I’ve always credited The Salvation Army as being my “1st homechurch.”  Yet the first institution where my spiritual journey began was actually in Oakland prior to their move to another East Bay city.  And it wasn’t that people weren’t hooking up there, heck even the senior pastor there used that spot to target his underage female side activities.  I tended to connect and communicate with those church attending female counter-parts who supposedly placed a priority on learning more about God.

    At least that was THEIR excuse.

    Truth is, if they wanted to, they would’ve did what they wanted to do.  The “God” thing was merely a polite way of turning someone down.  On top of that, inquiring about one’s relational status openly in a church setting was regularly frowned upon.  Hell, several years back, I attended a church of a young up and coming pastor whose wife loved her thong style lingerie.  Of course I don’t remember a damn thing HE said during the service.  I do remember what SHE wore at church services.  And it wasn’t like I could really discuss the matter with someone nearby me.  1) I could get frowned upon again 2) If I asked another guy about whether or not it was appropriate to notice, if he didn’t notice, he eventually would and that would get another guy is the same predicament. 3) People at church talk.  Last thing I needed was chatter about me for future visits.  Truth be told, as a whole, most ministers and pastors are married to MILFs.  I suppose that because the entire family is unnecessarily placed under some judgmental microscope, there’s a pressure and expectation for the spouses of the minister to “present themselves” more.  That thong was just a bonus.

    Discussing about anything EXCEPT sex could perhaps be a deterrent to regular church attendance from some people.  It’s the “pink elephant” people are attempting to ignore.  Yet I would have the say that of all the scandals involving ministers, sex related situations seem to top it.  Should anyone be surprised?  There’s no dialogue, no outlet, no acknowledgement, no way to express a topic that’s so clearly there.

    Lets face it, people attend church to meet other people.  This whole notion that sex with someone other than their spouse needs a much deeper dialogue than “well God forbids it.”  So what?  God supposedly forbids a lot of other stuff too.  And not to harp on anything, nowhere in the Bible did God forbid cannabis.  Not that I”m an advocate for such activities, but this whole notion that it’s bad is none of the business of the church.

    So going back to the sex thing.

    Several Easters ago, I attended a church’s traditional Passion Play.  That’s when the drama department of most churches do the first of their two annual performances for the year.  (The second being the Christmas play)  The Passion play depicts the trial of Jesus all the way to the Resurrection of Jesus, so there’s a heavy emphasis on the physical torture of Jesus.  Needless to say, those scenes are notorious for evoking heavy emotions for the audience members.  Many members of the audience are conducting their personal “re-commitment” or even some of them are making a commitment for the first time.  The person playing Jesus is scantily-clad, covered in artificial blood, carrying a heavy wooden plank on their shoulders.  One of two people are dressed in Roman soldier costumes following Jesus and re-enacting a torture scene walking through the intricate aisles of the church.  No, they do not re-enact this scene on the stage, they are up-close to the audience by design.

    So what does this have to do with the sex topic?

    After that most recently viewing of the Passion Play several years back, I resolved to not view anymore of such display.  No it wasn’t the repentant emotion that was evoke.  No, it wasn’t guilt either.  You see, after I noticed that the prop the Roman soldiers were using to “torture” Jesus was a whipped designed for S and M activities, I completely lost it.

    Yes, I couldn’t stop my laughter while everyone else was crying, some even bawling.

    Here I was in this situation where I couldn’t really turn to someone else and point out the fact that I saw the exact same whip at this store in San Francisco called Stormy Leather, and that same whip is available at Good Vibrations.  It was sort of a similar situation as “observing” the under attire of that minister’s MILFy wife.  So I laughed.  Actually I covered my mouth with both hands and ran out of the sanctuary, and apparently that gesture was completely misread by the ushers who followed me out and made sure I was “OK.”

    So for churches and meeting women, its such a low percentage for me.  Of all the institutions that gave me a higher percentage of “companionship,” it was school.

    I guess it’s time to re-apply to grad school!

April 5, 2014

  • Why I No Longer Identify Myself as a Christian

    Now before anyone gets all butt-hurt and bent out of shape, hear me out. This has been a long time coming since 2000. My spiritual life has always been and always will be an ongoing evolving process as it should be.

    During a Campus Crusade for Christ meeting at CSU Hayward, I found myself in heated discussions with the members to where it eventually became an unofficial pissing contest of who read The Bible from cover to cover the most and/or who served whom under what capacity or who could retain the most memorized verses from Scripture. One of those heated discussion was after an email was forwarded and shared from a supposed member of Wedgewood Baptist Church which had been the scene of a mass church shooting. I objected to the 8 printed pages read aloud to the group as the list of prayer request had excluded the perpetrator, Larry Gene Ashbrook and the surviving members of his family. I attempted to quote from Romans 12 about praying and blessing those who persecute, and because I was unable to quote word-for-word verbatim, I was singled out as someone who didn’t know what he was talking about. Then the leader began to quote different Bible verses in a taunting manner to the point that the temptation to outdo Ashbrook through that group passed through my mind. That was back in 1999-2000.

    Actually those years from 1998 through 2011 had been nothing short of tumultuous regarding church life. The lone years of growth and stability (for those of you who adhere to the belief that “growth” and “stability” cannot co-exist, I’m referring to “stability” meaning not really wanting to knock the living crap out of people at church and beyond) existed from 2000 through the middle of 2005 thanks in large part to both mentors Peter and “Dr. Dave.” That and therapist Dr Wyatt enabled me to experience “grace” as defined in The Bible. Once Venture ministry began to deteriorate in the aftermath of the migration of Dr. Dave and Peter to a church in Austin, I began a journey of spiritual instability, or what The Journey’s Pastor Chris Brady described as being a “spiritual orphan.”

    In Pastor Chris’ eyes and amongst many Christians, not having an official membership with a local church body isn’t just being a “spiritual orphan,” but is considered a “sin.” Take a closer look at the church’s financial reliance on stable membership and membership tithing. Could that be a reason why the pastor would declare “sin” for someone who doesn’t declare membership? I recall being at a church service in Singapore where it was learned by the prayer minister that I wasn’t a member of any church back home in the States nor in Singapore. The minister offered to pray for my “sinfulness.” I was offended and shared my discomfort with my Singaporean Sis, Jojo who defended his declaration. That’s when I learned that it was considered a “sin” to attend church without being a member of that or any church. (HUH???)

    I’ve extensively ranted and lamented on how a Christian organization like The Salvation Army operated to the point where I was convinced that I experienced some PTSD symptoms during the Holidays when I heard the bell ringing outside the stores. It saddened me to see people who loved God and wanted to serve God become so jaded after serving in the capacity as an officer (pastoral level) for The Salvation Army. It was more disheartening to witness those who left their respected position, alienated, shunned, and/or ridiculed by current members and staff of The Salvation Army. Yet every Holiday Season, they put forth a do-gooder image. I considered them as a foundational building block to my spiritual life, yet when it was all said and done, I find myself currently having to unlearn, let-go, and forgive. Amongst some of their practices to unlearn was their “Self-Denial” campaign which reinforced a scarcity mentality. The concept is to “self-deny” a regular item (like coffee, or meals) and donate the proceeds from not purchasing such item(s) to charity. (i.e. The Salvation Army) For example under the campaign, my daily coffee during the workweek is $3 a day, Monday through Fridays. That’s $15 a week. So let’s say the “Self Denial” campaign is a 6-week program, so at $15 a week for 6 weeks, at the end of the campaign, I’m expected to donate an amount of $90. In other words the campaign reinforces the false belief that in order for someone to have something, I must give up or “sacrifice” something in order for them to receive. From a theological standpoint, the program, which is a common practice in The Salvation Army, teaches and reinforces that there is no abundance.

    If we are truly created “in the image and likeness of God” as Genesis 1:26-27, then why was/is it necessary to “accept Jesus as Lord and Savior,” AKA “The Sinner’s Prayer?” The church that led me in that prayer while I was a 3rd grader, was a Chinese based church ran by a senior pastor who was of Native American and white descent. He laid down the “fire and brimstone” over the “sinful” nature of “Chinese culture.” He laid down the “fire and brimstone” against “sexual immorality and impurity.” Little did we know that he had an Asian fetish. He was into underaged Chinese girls. You see, that church eventually expanded into a private Christian school “serving the needs” of the Chinese East Bay Christian community. What eventually came out was that their “beloved” pastor profiled and targeted specific female students of that school. Unfortunately members of the church blamed the girls and defended the pastor. Others split from the church not because of the scandal itself, but because of their eventual choice of selecting a senior pastor who was Chinese descent. Yes, this was/is a church serving the Chinese community. It was just that the sentiment amongst specific Chinese Christians is that they feel “better led” by a “more Christian” leader. (ie, WHITE) It’s unfortunate but American Christians while ministering to people of color, tend to “culture-shame” those community members they’re supposedly “serving and saving.” I’ve voiced my piece regarding that in light of the Rick Warren incident when he publicly demeaned and performed an offensive caricature of Asians while a certain contingency of defenders including those cultured shamed Asians came out of the woodworks. I described such a group on my blog as “Asian House Negroes.” Either God so loved the world, or God doesn’t. And the last time I checked, “the world” included every nationality, every culture, so this culture-shaming done “in the Name of God” needs to be stopped “By Any Means Necessary.” (Another advantage of not identifying myself as a so-called Christian is the freedom to identify Malcolm X as a true to life prophet!)

    What I’m unable to figure out and wrap around my head is the premise of our U.S. Constitution regarding “separation of Church and State.”  Is it a “two-way” street, meaning the State must allow autonomy for the religious institutions and not have any control over them, and likewise the religious institution and leaders must allow the state to be ran without religious interference?  If that’d be the case, then this whole notion about legally defining marriages should be mute.  In a democracy, let the voters decide.  End of story.  What sickens me is seeing religious institutions, mostly Christians, placing curses and public backlashes against the government for functioning as it was designed to function.  On the other end of the spectrum, the left condemns the religious groups for the self perceived lack of intolerance, yet they display zero to no tolerance for those who openly expresses their own personal beliefs.  Case in point, the recent resignation of the Mozilla Firefox CEO Brenden Eich is the most current example of tolerance hypocrisy.  As long as the CEO was not creating policy or influencing company policy based on his own personal beliefs, who or what he voted for and supported politically is none of anyone’s damn business.  OK Cupids overstepping of their boundaries makes them appear like some entitled piece of crap pretentious intolerant hypocrites.  Does their dating service actually work?  I won’t find out since I chose not to give them a damn dime. 
     
    Speaking of “Church and State,” here’s my other main sentiment of my decision to no longer identify my spirituality as “Christian.”  The premise, foundational, doctrinal basic beliefs of the mainstream Christian Catholic and Protestant denominations are based on 7 religious councils.  The first two Councils: Nicaea in 325 CE and Constantinople in 381 CE were sponsored by Constantine himself.  You cannot convince me that he did not have a hand on the decision making process.  I’m supposed to base my entire spiritual belief, life, and practice based on a set of standards that was voted for, and decided by a group who were influenced by a political leader with his own selfish personal and political agenda??? Bull-fucken-shit!  I’m supposed to base my faith, connect and condemn other people based on whether or not they agree or disagree with that premise?  On top of everything else, one of the first premise agreed upon on all 7 councils was the authority placed upon the canonical scriptures, which during those council sessions, was hand-picked and interpreted accordingly.  Yet, through inaccurate translations and interpretations over the last 1800 years and different languages, I’m expected to take it as absolute law.  That’s why I have more than one translation of The Bible.  That’s why I’ve been opened to reading other holy canons from other faiths like The Upanishads, or studying materials like Rumi. That’s why I question everything told to me through someone who was appointed by someone else as some sort of authority on what The Bible means.  Hell, even the New Thought based theology that I’ve embraced and accepted these past three years goes under my own personal scrutiny.  I no longer blindly accept something at face value solely because the person in the pulpit or the person who wrote the best seller said so. 

    So call me a hypocrite or ironic or paradoxical. Hell, call me a heretic. I’m studying and submitting myself for ministerial candidacy in the New Thought theological institutions. One of the main organization in New Thought is undergoing a debate/crossroad at the moment of whether or not to continue to identify themselves as a “Christian” organization. You would think that with the title of this and because of my interest in candidacy, I’d opt for them to drop the Christian label. You see the way they have it set up, if they were to do such a procedure, they’d drop all their earlier fundamental teachings that established themselves in the first place. In other words, study materials and practices that their founders and their more famous figures within that organization created and shared would be dropped along with the label. Or those materials (studying) would merely be presented as a footnote. (Classic case of an example of throwing the baby out with the bathwater) As of now, New Thought, or Practical Christianity is presented with the materials of how to study, interpret and apply the Bible in a way that they differentiate between practicing a form of spirituality that Jesus practiced versus a form of spirituality or religion that worships Jesus. If practicing and studying the form of spirituality that Jesus practiced and taught is the definition of a Christian, then yes, I identify myself as that. However in the proposal of dropping the Christian label, even that becomes more in the background and afterthought while embracing a smorgasbord of different religious and spiritual practices that’s presented more in the forefront. I wouldn’t identify myself as that either. If it was Jesus’ intent to “make disciples,” then logically speaking, it makes more sense to practice the form of spirituality that Jesus taught and practiced rather than practice a religion pieced together by councils that met hundreds of years after Jesus graced this planet. Unfortunately, those who practice the latter are identified as “Christians” and hence my reservations of choosing to be in that same category.

    Besides…

    If Jesus himself wasn’t a Christian, why should I be?

May 30, 2011

  • Reformat on Blogs

    Dear Lone Readers:

    I’ve decided to keep my blog topics to a more organized fashion.  This past couple of weeks I’ve been copying and pasting entries from one set of blog to the other in order to accommodate the readers to not have to switch around.  For the past year, I’ve utilized Blogger for the reason of user-friendly.  I am not able to customize as much as I have on Xanga, but as long as I am able to utilize black/grey/white/and purples, I’m a happy camper. 

    I attempted to re-vitalize my Xanga for the mere reason of the fact that I paid good money for their lifetime “Premium” account and I wanted to take advantage of that cost.  I also have my earlier documentation of my personal development journey which started to really take off in 2008.  I’m going to ween away from Xanga.  I have started and organize two main blogs: The Faith Entry is about my experiences, observations, and insights on the topic of church, spirituality, and religion.  Jia You>>>Ga Yau! will be about discoveries, insights and observations on my personal development, performances, acting and education.  I’m very well aware that the topic of spirituality and personal development overlap.  My decision on which blog receives what when they do overlap will be more or less a judgement call. 

    Feel free to read my older entries, for they document my transition from grief of my mother’s death in 2005 to my personal development in 2008. 

May 28, 2011

  • The Faith Entry: Freewrting and Random Thoughts

    While looking for more information about Christian Universalism, I came across articles in regards to Rob Bell’s Love Wins.  Yes, the Evangelicals are out en force to discredit both Bell and his book, but at least read the goddamn book first before you do.  I find it astonishing and embarrassing as a Christian at the behavior of these so-called leaders and shepherds.  Actually their behavior is one of the reasons why I started exploring the ideas of Universalism and other forms of faith outside Christianity in the first place.  Not only does their behavior NOT reflects Christ, but it’s one of the main factors why I distance myself from Christianity altogether. 

    Which leads me to the next step.  I’ve been accused of not being faithful to Christ and that I’m condemned to Hell as a result.  Here’s the sad situation: If my mortal self cannot stand these folks with limited finite amount of time here on earth, how the hell am I supposed to deal with them for eternity?  In other words, having to choose between Hell and eternity with these folks is no different than between a rock and a hard place.  The term “Gospel” is translated as “good news.”  If those are my two choices, what’s so “good” about that???

    Do you like the idea of simultaneously beginning and ending your week by being reminded of how much you’re a sinner and how much you fall short, and how lost we are?  If you had a choice between investing an hour or two between that or a tailgating bbq, isn’t that’s a no brainer?  If a vegetarian and/or a vegan chooses a bbq over church, that ought to tell you something right there.

    I’m sick and tired of being told what to do by other Christians.  That’s what everything boils down to.  Everyone has an opinion, and that’s all it is: an opinion.  They’re not prophets.  My spiritual health is not predicated on what I do or what I don’t do.  It’s about claiming and holding onto the identity of who I am: a beloved child of God.  Anything I do or don’t do doesn’t change that status.  What was needed to be done was completely done on the cross.  Now that’s Good News.  P.S. I will not be denied by Jesus simply because I didn’t change my Facebook status, so stop using that verse out of context to coerce other Christians to follow your suit.  PLEASE STFU.

    Having been in theater and production for over the past ten years, I’m very aware of the racist, ignorant and backward attitudes of some producers and directors in L.A.  That’s nothing compared to the ignorance I’ve dealt with by the self declared Christian producers and directors.  Speaking of race, since when is marrying someone Caucasian “marrying someone more Christ-like?”  Really?  Now Jesus’ name is being used to advocate racism and self-hatred?  (The two churches I’ve visited in L.A. and S.F., you know who you are!) 

    Baptism: Honestly, I don’t get it.  The literal act is the public declaration of faith.  Water symbolizes life, being placed under means dying to self, being brought up means emerge to new life.  That, I get.  What I don’t understand is why someone needs to declare someone else to be “ready” for baptism before they’re allowed to be baptized.  Then in other denominations and churches, parents are so eager to have their infant child baptized asap, and they are.  So I read in The Acts when new converts “believe” the message about Christ, then immediately find the nearest body of water for baptism.  Where’s the person who’s supposed to declare those folks as “ready?”  What I don’t get is the fact that no one seems to be on the same page of standard procedures: when, where, how?  Or most importantly, is there a standard procedure?  OK, I’m gonna break it down to what I know:

    Jesus commanded his surviving disciples to “make disciples baptizing them in the Name of Father, Son, Spirit.”  But

    There’s two elements of baptism: water or spirit.

    Everyone has a different procedure on water baptism.  Spirit baptism, I’ve seen once. 

    When Jesus commanded his disciples to “make disciples baptizing them…” he didn’t specify water or spirit baptism.

    Can anyone see why I don’t fully get it? (Oh, for those of you reading this who are wondering if I was ever baptized.  Yes, in a hot tub) 

    Gotta give props to my mentor and friend Peter who performed my baptism.  Over the years no matter what I did or said in regards to how I felt and reacted to my life struggles did he ever made any judgment on me.  He calmly listened to me over the years and constantly reminded me of my identity about who I am. I remembered telling him in confidence about how I wanted to just check out and indulge in all my senses.  (Sex, drugs, food…didn’t feel youthful enough to keep up with the rock n roll) He told me that if I decided to do that stuff for an indefinite amount of time, I’m still a child of God who’s loved.  (No, I didn’t indulge after all)  

    Still in search of a Christian Universalism church in SF… 

     

     

May 27, 2011

  • From Consumer to Critic

    Since the internet became one of the main mediums, our generation has embraced consumerism as never before.  In the last ten or so years, we have been able to purchase items from anywhere in the world with a simple click.  Likewise in other parts of the world, they too have been able to purchase items they had never been able to purchase in years past.  It’s gotten to the point that even the knockoffs have matched quality and aesthetics to the originals.  With this new found power on hand, (purchasing power) there seems to be an overall increasing sense of entitlement among the masses.  We’re not just referring to “shopping power,” it’s also permeated all aspects around us. 

    It seems that with the rise of “reality television,” we created an entire mass of “armchair critics.”  We’re quick to pass on our opinion about other people’s performance “they suck, they rock” with just a simple text message from our handheld communication devices.  We’re able to become “armchair NFL GM’s” during football season as we create our Fantasy Football teams.  We can throw our clout around in local business we frequent if we obtained a level of status on review websites such as Yelp.  Yes, we’re quick to criticize but slow to actually participate.  At one of my former church, my pastor joked with me during the football season:

    Pastor: Jarrett, I know you’re a diehard Raiders fan, I’m wondering how hardcore of a fan you really are.  Do you know the definition of a football game?

    Me: I didn’t know there was an actual formal definition of a football game.  I guess I’m not that hardcore of a fan after all.  What is it?

    Pastor: A football game is an event such that there’s over fifty people on the field in desperate need of rest, while there’s over fifty-thousand people watching on in desperate need of exercise.

    His point, without actually participating, we’ve become entitled critics. 

    When I do review on mostly restaurants on Yelp, I critiqued the different locations as someone growing up in a family of three generations who worked in the food and beverage industry.  I myself worked my first job for five years in a snack bar, and eventually learned to make espressos, lattes, and mochas at my sister’s cafe and grill.  I remembered my training on my first job with the emphasis on customer service and customer satisfaction.  If they were unhappy with the food item or drink, replace it asap.  When I was three, I’d often sit in the front counter of my grandmother’s takeout.  Not only was she conversing with her customers, she also cooked and prepared the food in the kitchen.  It’s not that I critique businesses on Yelp with a sense of entitlement, I critique them knowing what it takes to provide quality goods and service. 

    Recently there’s been a public backlash against former NBA Scottie Pippen because of a comment he made about the possibility of LeBron James surpassing Michael Jordan as the NBA all-time great.  I don’t follow professional basketball enough to know what it would actually take to be considered as the “all-time greatest NBA player.”  What I do know is that a lot of folks who’s never played in the NBA were quick to slam Pippen for his comment.  Funny part about all of this is that there’s little comments in the media made by NBA past and present players, but sportswriters and fans have been more critical and vocal.  Now in all honesty, I’ve never observed LeBron playing ball so I have no idea and no reference to what he can do compared to Jordan.  The real issue here is that why are folks who’s never played on that level are quick to criticize someone who has actually played on that level making such a statement.  As I said earlier, I don’t follow basketball, but I’d be more open and curious to why a former teammate would make a statement before reacting about what he doesn’t know.  Then again, viral attention is a result of the consumeristic, entitled, armchair critic of the public, isn’t it?  It jams the phone lines on every sports call-in show.  Jammed phone lines on the radio means more advertising dollars, right?  More advertising dollars, more time for the critic to spew their venom.  More rewards for the public critic, more entitlement here.

    Unfortunately it doesn’t just stop with the restaurants, stores, and media.

    Our spiritual centers has been hijacked by the consumer-minded, entitled critic. 

    Worship centers nationwide of all different religious background face the weekly dilemma of figuring out how to deal with the critic who visits their spiritual sanctuary, bringing along with them the mentality of “what’s in it for me in exchange for the one-two hours of MY time?”  In the different places of worship that I’ve visited over the years, I’ve been treated to gourmet coffee, buffet spreads, dim sum, a “give some-take some” offering place where the visitor has the option to take the cash on the plate, performances by visiting professional musicians and other performing artists, and performances by theatrically trained pastors and/or guest speakers.  Now there’s absolutely nothing wrong with offering such options.  However when the emphasis in offering those options has the critic in mind rather than the spirit, then it becomes a problem.  I often found myself leaving a place of worship wondering why I was there in the first place.  I attend with the expectation and the anticipation of connecting: with other folks, with God, and I leave feeling as if I just left a shopping mall.  But hey, at least I left full.

    When did we become less doers and more critics?  I think this connects to my path of personal development because of the emphasis to re-pursue lost dreams, lost visions.  We become cynics of others once we drop pursuit of our own dreams.  In fact there’s a distinctive difference between feedback from the entitled critic and feedback from a dream pursuer: specificity and technique based type of feedback from the doer, while the feedback if you want to call it that from the entitled critic is worded in a way to tear down.  A singer who’s actively pursuing their dream as a singer doesn’t critique other singers in the same manner as an armchair critic.  An athlete in training doesn’t critique other athletes like the armchair quarterback.  It’s just that the mass critics far outnumber the dream pursuers and active doers.  So what are the solution?  You bring the dream the hope and the possibilities back to the masses.   It’s simple.          

May 24, 2011

  • The End of the World As We Know It And I Feel Fine

    Was REM prophetic or what?  (J/K!)  All kidding aside here, Mr Camping took a lot of time, resources, and manpower to get his message out to the entire world of his Doomsday prediction.  Most of my friends who are Christians did not buy into the prediction and were very concerned about all the hype.  They were concerned about the negative publicity Christians would receive in the event that May 21, 2011 would come and pass.  In addition, a lot of caring Christians expressed anger towards Mr Camping on behalf of his followers who were giving 110% of their faith into what that man predicted.   

    Those who weren’t Christians weren’t as sympathetic towards the followers.  They (the followers) were ridiculed, mocked, and satirized because of their belief.  Most of the followers went to extreme in their expression of faith by selling and giving away their material possessions, to actually attempting to mercy kill their own children.  From what has transpired during the past three days since the predicted Dooms/Judgement Day came and went has been nothing short of insensitivity and cynicism.  Mainstream Christianity has received another public perceptual black eye from the media.  (As if the Tea Party, anti-abortionists, anti-same sex marriage activists, and the Fred Phelps crew hadn’t done enough damage already)

    People who didn’t believe that this past May 21, 2011 was Judgment Day have expressed a lot of differing opinions on Mr Camping and his followers.  While Mr Camping will deal with the consequential scrutinies in the aftermath, I wanted to emphasize something that hasn’t been brought to the attention of the public: the fact that the followers of Mr Camping were viewed as being “naive,” “gullible,” and “stupid.”  There were Christians that didn’t buy into the prediction who reached out to the followers afterwards.  Their reaction and view towards the followers, though not as harsh and blunt as the non-Christians, still fell into the category of patronizing:

    “Prayer request for all those mislead “sheeps” to be able to remain faithful, and to be blessed with discernment…” ect

    Though prayer requests such as that meant well, I want to put out another angle on the situation: The Gift of Gullible/Naivete´ 

    So how is that supposed to be a “gift?” 

    Think about every innovation, invention, accomplishment over the course of human history.  If there was no sense of gullibility, or even naivete, would any of those accomplishments ever occur?  Granted others may attribute such success as to “having faith.”  I agree to a certain point, but I would like to challenge that not only is there a fine line between faith and gullibility/naivete,” but crossing the line to gullibility/naivete side is what fuels accomplishment.  While being gullible and/or naive can be costly, I would like to say that being gullible/naive comes with an equal benefit.

    Consider this:

    Had the Wright Brothers not have been naive or gullible enough to believe that its possible to create a mechanism to enable humans to fly, would we be able to benefit from air travel?  How about Edison’s naivete?  Would we still be reading under candles?  When I was 15, (this was 1985) one of the older adults joked with me about conducting a phone call from his truck. (I didn’t know he was joking) Excitedly, I hurried over to the truck cab only to be met with laughter among the group.  They asked me how “stupid” could I have been to believe that he had a phone in his truck.  Apparently, from that time until now, a business executive became “gullible” enough to believe that a hand-held WIRELESS phone which could fit in someone’s pocket, would be a common item among the masses. 

    As I watch and observe the aftermath of May 21, 2011, I want to express a message to the followers of Harold Camping: 

    Thank you for your gift!  It IS a gift because it has helped accomplish many wonderful achievements in human history.  While many people will pray for you to lost such a gift, and others will ridicule and mock you for it, I will hang onto the hope that your gift will soon benefit the entirety of humanity.

May 23, 2011

  • Character Study on Malchus

    Originally Blogged and Published HERE on 16, May, 2011

    Who?

    Yup in the Bible, there’s four Gospels which is basically four biographies on the life of Jesus. The Gospels were named according to their respected authors: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Malchus was in all four Gospels, however his name is only mentioned in John. Even an avid Bible reader would have to look up the name of Malchus. So who is he? He was one of the servant of the high priest responsible for the arrest of Jesus. Jesus was arrested on grounds of breaking the traditional religious law which was taken serious by the Jews, not so by the Romans who were actually in power. Hence why the members of the priestly order made the arrest and not the Roman soldiers.

    So what’s so significant about Malchus who was only mentioned by name in one of the four Gospels?

    He got his ear chopped off during the arrest. But immediately after it was chopped off, Jesus healed him.

    Sunday service last evening at Mission Bay Community Church discussed Peter’s role in starting the church. Why the topic of Malchus crossed my mind was due to the fact that Peter was the guy who chopped his ear off. Like Malchus’ name, Peter was specifically mentioned only once out of the four accounts. Coincidentally or maybe not coincidentally they were both specifically mentioned by the same author: John. (They were not mentioned by name in the other three accounts)

    Now say what you want about whether or not you believe in the Bible or whether nor not this incident actually happened as it was described. The reason why this story crossed my mind during the discussion last Sunday was because as an actor, Malchus would make an interesting character study.

    In all four accounts there were probably four lines max describing the specific incident. A group of religious vigilantes came to arrest Jesus (Malchus being one of them) One of Jesus disciple (Peter) attacked one of the members of the arresting mob with a sword by chopping the right ear off, (Malchus) Jesus rebuked both the arresting crowd AND Peter for his impulsive action, then in only ONE Gospel with less than a line describing it, Jesus heals him. End of story.

    So how would that make Malchus such an intriguing and interesting character study with so little that was said?

    An actor who’s trained learns about concepts such a “character memory, backstory, motives, objectives.” As actors, we speculate and interpret what those backstory, objective, and motives are, then combine them with our own inner core being and experience and intertwine it all together.

    So this is what we do know about who Malchus is:
    1) Was the servant of the high priest
    2) Was there as part of the crowd to arrest Jesus
    3) Was attacked and injured
    4) Had his injury healed immediately by Jesus
    5) Arrested Jesus anyways afterwards

    In putting backstory together, one could study Jewish customs and religious beliefs along with Roman history. They could study what exactly the duties a servant to the high priest were. Was a servant allowed to marry or not marry and if so, what was his relationship to his wife and family. This is all interpretive because with less than a four line description, no one really knows. The actor makes choices and brings that to the table. (Hence the artistic side of acting)

    With motive and objective, one could tie backstory along with the kind of relationship he has with the high priest, with Jesus, with other members of the temple. What motivated him to be a part of the arresting crowd? Was he convicted that Jesus deserved to be arrested, or was he merely following orders from the high priest? Was he in line for another position in the temple, and his participation in arresting Jesus would earn him “brownie points?”

    What was his reaction when his ear was chopped off? What was his reaction when he was recovered? What was his reaction as he arrested Jesus? Was he present through the entire process of the arrest and trail, and if so, what was he feeling knowing he was healed by the man he arrested?

    As you could see, there are just endless choices after choices to pick and choose from in portraying this guy. And it’s fun. What’s there to present is this fleshed out human being with all the contradictions and complexities to him all from just four little lines from four different accounts of a biography.

    What’s this to do with faith? Lots. Let’s say I’m an atheist, and out of desperation I pray for some kind of out of this world, highly unlikely million to one long shot miracle and it happened. Then afterwards I continue to state my case as an atheist while chalking up the miraculous incident as merely a “coincidence.” Was that similar to Malchus? Maybe, maybe not.

    In December of 2006, I was VERY CLOSE to losing my left hand to a scheduled amputation. Surgery and antibiotics were not affective in treating this mysterious hand infection and I was facing the very high possibility of “celebrating” Christmas of 2006 without my left hand. (Surgery was scheduled on Dec 23) I contacted every friend I knew who had a strong belief in the power of their prayers. Two of them actually showed up to the hospital with oil that was consecrated by their elders to pour into the cast of my left hand. (I had one surgery done already) My sifu who was a regular practitioner of hay gung (ch’i kung) came that same day and performed some energetic passing over the cast. My friend upon hearing about my hospital stay met her “group reiki circle” with a photo of me and my left hand circled. This all occurred on a Sunday. The next Monday morning, the examining doctor did his morning checkup on my hand and rushed out to get the supervising physician. The supervising physician commented, “finally your system accepted the antibiotic treatment, you can go home today.” Now a lot of factors came into play and anybody could choose any factor. 1) It could’ve been the prayer and the oil 2) Could’ve been the reiki and/or ch’i kung 3) my body did finally accept the antibiotics after 11 straight days of taking them intravenously, and because I did not have health insurance the doctors were willing to release me to avoid any unnecessary medical procedure. I’ve not doubt in my mind it was a miracle.

    It wasn’t even more than 5 days after I was released from the hospital that I was sulking about having to spend Christmas in the cold Bay Area and not in warm Southeast Asia.

    The point is our “inner Malchus.” We may attack our respected spiritual dogmas for one reason or the other, and if we received some miraculous benefit, we quickly forget and return to attacking our dogma.

    Oh humanity. How complex and funny we are.

May 22, 2011

  • The Religious Order of Actors (Published April 1, 2011)

    Originally Blogged and Published HERE on 1, April, 2011 (Hence why the April Fools line at the end)

    With a lot of controversy surrounding the whole thing about Tom Cruise and his ties to the Scientologists, the average audience member watches on with certain assumptions of their favorite performers in regards their respected spirituality. Actors are an uncanny fickle bunch. I should know, I fall into the same category as most actors. If someone was to inquire about my own personal view on spirituality, I’d simply give them a generic answer: “I’m Christian.” Sure, I’ve seen and heard a more general response such as “I’m spiritual.” (What the hell does THAT really mean?)

    Posting about my faith and theology is for another future time. It’s difficult to really separate my beliefs versus my experiences within a religious setting, and that is a challenge that the average person wrestles with in regards to spirituality. So therefore I’m gonna attempt to build a 10 foot pole to touch the topic in the near future.

    I’m not really talking about that anyways.

    I observed the last ten years while pursuing, training and working on various acting productions that the actor tends to create their own sort of religious order to a lesser degree than a fanatical follower when it comes to the technique of their craft of acting. I’m not talking about fundamental craft knowledge such as voice, diction, movement/dance though people will separate themselves along the various disciplines there too. (Linklater vs Fitzmaurice vs Alexander ect) I’m referring to the various schools of techniques in regards to achieving the performance state of “being in the moment.”

    Since my performance background began in doing stand-up comedy, I gravitated towards the improvisational based forms of acting when I began my formal acting training. I was lucky enough to learn from someone who was versed in VARIOUS schools of improv acting, so there was no hard-core loyalty insistence. Coming from San Francisco, Theatersports and Johnstone has a heavy presence in the improvisational scene. Elsewhere in L.A., N.Y. and Chicago, Second City and more Spolin based improv dominate the scene. As ridiculous as it sounds I’ve come across improvisors who refused to work with other improvisors not trained within their discipline. (Theatersports trained folks won’t work with folks trained in Improv Olympics or Second City and vice-versa)

    On the other end of the spectrum, acting methods are split accordingly also. The average person has heard of “The Method,” when it comes to acting. There just isn’t ONE method per se. Almost if not all “methods” that’s known is based directly and indirectly to theories on acting created by Stanislavsky. I look at the various schools and methods on acting the way I observe church and denominational splits. In a lot of ways, a new acting method created is normally the result of a split from another school of acting.

    Now a new form of “Method” is taking shape. Known as “Contemporary Method,” it evolves on a more eclectic approach. In addition to taking a little of Meisner and a little of Strasberg, ect, they’ll add something such as “energy work, past lives,” and other forms of pseudo-psychology. I would love to say that because of their eclectic nature, they have no qualms against other schools/methods, however that is normally not the case.

    Why the split? Why the chasm between all the method/school/approaches to acting? All could be linked to the one common denominator: the “Guru.” The acting coach/instructor/teacher ect in a lot of cases holds more power over actors than the actors should permit. Largely that is due to what belief and/or attachment the actors hold in respect to the desired results they’re getting in relation to their coaching. A friend of mine who transplanted to L.A. from S.F. concluded that all her earlier acting training “sucked ass” as compared to the audition coach she currently and religiously trains with. The reason being was prior to her training w/this coach, she did not book herself in any major productions. She’s spellbound by this coach.

    This is not an unusual situation. Ask any actor why they gravitate towards a particular coach or school or approach and they’ll explain how much they benefited. That’s all the actor wants: to be able to do the best job they can possibly do as an actor, period. If you told another actor that you booked your last major role as a result of following a coaches advice to inhale through the left nostril and exhaling through the right while delivering lines, SOMEONE will attempt that on their next audition.

    Take it out of the actor’s context. If you’re a single guy, and your friend who’s also single but was known in the past for not being able to meet women suddenly shows up with multiple women on his arms, would you not inquire about the change? If you’re struggling with your weight and your best friend who was overweight the majority of their life shows up lean, trim and fit, wouldn’t you want to know what they did?

    So Actor A and Actor B attends most of the same audition, and Actor B tends to be given the role. At other auditions Actor A notices that Actor C tends to book those roles. Actor A learns that Actors B and C are from the same acting training. Guess what the next training agenda is for Actor A. If Actor A lands a role shortly after they begin that particular training, that training becomes a new religion for Actor A until that training no longer works, and Actor A begins this cycle all over again with another form of training.

    So as a student of personal development, as a former missionary, and as a working actor, I’ve decided to follow in the tradition of acting gurus past and present: I have created an acting training approach. What makes my training stand out is that it’s open to actors and non-actors alike. All are welcomed. No one is turned away for lack of talent. Now lack of funds, different story. Payment must be made on time. Remember that once you begin your training, any positive incidents, results, or events that happened in your life was a direct result of ME and MY training!!! Because of that, anytime your family, friend, or colleague inquire about your sudden fortune of positive stuff, make sure you refer them TO ME. We (I) will grow this training to new heights. You will no longer need to goto church if you attended church. I AM your new church. I AM your new god. All good things in your life came from me and what I taught you. NOW KOWTOW!

    …Happy April Fool’s Day!

  • Personal List of Personal Development Books

    As a person deeply immersed in the personal development arena, I am one of the subscribers to the Finer Minds website. One of their recent Facebook blog was an article on their list of personal development books compiled by the employees, founder and subscribers to Finer Minds. Interestingly enough, a lot of those titles listed were focused on financial state of mind. The reasoning behind that is the consensus of many agree that financial success is the physical reflection of the growth within the person, especially if the person started out physically and financially impoverished. (And spiritually) 

    Here’s a small list of my personal favorite books in no necessary order that I personally and highly recommend to anyone on the path of personal development: 

    W Timothy Gallwey-The Inner Game of Tennis- I can’t say enough about this book. Almost 5 years ago I was discouraged and desperate in my acting endeavors. I asked my acting coach and mentor if there was anything he recommended for me to learn and/or read. He recommended that book, and initially I was convinced that he was telling me to pursue tennis and to give up on acting. It’s a very straight-forward and simplistic approach to how to create a state of mind and focus during a challenging task and/or situation. I go back to that all the time. Its a great companion piece to read along with other recommendation on this list as well as…

    Harold Guskin-How To Stop Acting- I recommend this book for the actor in pursuit of personal development. It has a lot of information on techniques in listening, being present, and allowing your inner authentic self showing up to the scene. 

    Keith Johnstone-Impro- This is considered to be the “Bible” for those studying the theatrical improvisational system called Theatersports. He has a lot of interesting takes on how to transform and he adds some commentary on the current state of education. 

    …speaking of Bibles…Get one. You don’t have to goto any church to read one. I tend to get several types of translation to get a different or clearer context to what is being said. One of my favorite translation is da Jesus Book, a Hawaiian pidgin language translation. 

    Napoleon Hill-Think and Grow Rich-anyone pursuing financial wealth and personal development who doesn’t read this book and/or own a copy would NOT be considered “serious” on their endeavor in pursuing wealth, and for good reason. If there was such a textbook on wealth mindset, this would be it. 

    Wallace Wattles-The Science of Getting Rich-This book resurfaced shortly after the release of The Secret. I don’t know how this book was underutilized compared toThink and Grow because if I were to compare the two books to an operating system on a computer, Think and Grow is to PC as Science is to Mac. Since I’m using a Mac now, can you guess which of the two I prefer to go back to for reference? 

    Dale Carnegie-How to Win Friends and Influence People-I was very young when I first read this. Not young as in child, but young as in childish. To find out if what Carnegie said was true or not, I’d often did the complete opposite of what what said to my friends and family. I also alienated a lot of them in the process. Yes, reconciliation was the result of humility and applying the book as it was written…

    Randy Pausch-The Last Lecture-Personally if you can find the full original copy of the “lecture” he gave, get it. This book is merely a transcription of the lecture he gave as well as some additional insight. The premise of the book as well as the lecture was that at Carnegie Melon University there was a series called “The Last Lecture” taught by the various professors there including Pausch. It was a hypothetical lecture asking if you the professor knew you were going to die and you had one lecture left to teach, what would you teach? In Randy’s case, he WAS dying of cancer, and was a pioneer in both computer engineering and virtual reality. His lecture had NOTHING to do with any theories and/or research in those fields. 

    Dan Millman-Way of the Peaceful Warrior- I have a confession to make on this book: I saw a movie version before I actually read this. I share this because I regret going in that order. Read the book FIRST before seeing the movie version of it. Reading about Millman’s mentor Socrates and visualizing Nick Nolte can affect the reading in an adverse manner. (I think part of it resonated with me because of his use of Berkeley and the East Bay Area as the backdrop.)

    Dr. Seuss-Oh The Places We’ll Go… -Yes, this is sold in the children’s book section. I’m a stickler when it comes to foundational work. Stick to the basic fundamentals. Do what you can to master them. (No one can master them) That’s why the majority of the books listed here are older titles than the current ones out there. The same goes for this book. Yes it IS a childrens’ book or is it? I believe going back to read a book from childhood with the same wonderment and openness as when it was read the first time can do a lot. 

    The Autobiography of Malcolm X-This is on my personal list because reading this book changed my entire perspective on life. This did not cause me to get out of my box or think outside my box. This blew up the box completely. Though it does get into a “blame game” at times, this will expand perception regardless. 

    Expect this posting to continue to grow and change in the future. This is not the complete list by any means, and as long as I have breath, there are more books out there for me to read…

May 20, 2011

  • Taking a Break

    I have over many different blogsites for many different reasons and themes.  On my blogspot I attempted to chronologically document my spiritual journey.  It was not the most comprehensive nor cohesive series.  Why don’t I stick to just one blog?  Well, I wanted to make sure that my username would be kept track of and consistent.  Chances are anything with a “freezetag168″ or “freezetag1688″ is most likely me.  I haven’t performed or played that game in a few years and I miss it so much.  (The theatrical improvisational version of the game, not the chase game)  In the Cantonese language, “168″ spoken in the Cantonese dialect is very auspicious. 

    In a way, it’s pretty challenging to not mention anything about my spiritual contemplations or my ever evolving personal development reflections.  It’s very much a major part of me. 

    Though I’ve been going to auditions on a regular basis, I have not really acted fully in almost eight months, and I can feel that taking a major toll on me.  I have not discussed the craft of acting in so long and it was such a major part of me.  Performing lion dance is also something I have not mentioned lately.  I still participate in it, but I’m not giving it the full go as years past.  In a lot of ways there’s been an “auto-pilot” mode going on.  I have not yet accomplished the goals I set out for myself two years ago, nor have I aggressively pursued them with reckless abandon.  I’m also having second thoughts of whether or not I really want to pursue the professional acting route on a full-time basis anymore.  There was a period where I gave it my all in 2006-2007.  Ironically I was not working with an agent other than the one who offered to represent me in Singapore.  That did not work out.  I remembered making leaps and bounds from 2003-2005.  I was active with the AATC NewWorks program for two seasons in the capacity as both writer and actor, was cast in my first paid tv commercial in 2003, and I landed my first lead roles on stage and on an independent feature film in 2004 and 2005.  I was on such a momentum such that my dying mother retracted her wish of me working in a corporate setting and gave me her blessings to pursue acting full-time before she passed away in June 2005.  I landed my agent in Singapore in 2006, and began to re-work on my fundamentals. (Voice, movement, basic acting, improvisation, film acting) 

    Somehow, re-working and re-developing my fundamentals seemed to cause me to back-slide.  I have not booked a solid part since.  I have been to auditions in the past 5 years, but was only offered either small parts and/or extra work.  The last project I worked on was for a 48 hour film challenge last summer.  It’s tempting to blame the situation on the economy, but that’s not accepting full responsibility for all that’s been going on.  I miss acting.  I miss performing.  I miss that process of just dissecting a character and making that character become a part of me by connecting with that inner authentic essence of myself.  When I took an indefinite break from Seydways Actors’ Lab, I did not expect to be away for more than three months.  It is now six months and counting.  Yet if I were asked when I’d return, I would provide no definite answer. 

    I’ll admit that my personal and spiritual development superseded my acting endeavors.  Whats funny about it was the fact that I began to explore the personal development as a means to enhance my acting.  In the beginning that was the case.  When I took a few personal development workshops in the spring of 2008, I received feedback from my colleagues about how much more present I was during my performances, how my confidence level dramatically increased, and how much more dynamic, centered, and focus I appeared.  I figured that between the benefits I received as a result of taking the personal development workshops and my years work on re-strengthening my fundamentals, I should have an ease in booking roles.  That has not been the case. Then again because of the intensity of some of the workshops I took, I know I placed more unnecessary pressure on myself.  Add to it the fact that I allowed myself to be sidetracked by signing onto various MLM opportunities presented by my friends over the past three years. 

    So it’s time to re-focus on the acting.

    Well…not quite yet. 

    It’s time to create a more sustainable consistent income. 

    Then we’ll talk acting shop.